Yesterday stood out as one of those days where disaster tinged everything I tried to do.
Wednesdays are horseback riding lesson days. I usually have a 40°F cutoff for riding. Anything below that and my horse skitters around with winter glee while my fingers freeze off. I broke that rule because this is my magical No Zero year. The result was pretty crappy. The McDonalds I grabbed on the way home from dropping off the kids was determined to consume my mind with the urgent need to go to the bathroom. It could have also been that I was just a scaredy-cat. Maximas was a complete sweetheart, winter skittering aside, but I couldn’t relax. My teacher kept assuring me that my horse was going slow enough to drive his fuzzy mind crazy, but the thought of him going into a working trot just terrified me.
My last fall would blare at full blast on a replay loop in my head. I would fall forward, so Max hurried up to catch me, which prompted my legs to flail out. Max would decide, “welp, crazy lady up here is having a meltdown, so I’ll just figure out where to go on my own.” The voice in my head would say, “SEE!? He’s going off in a random direction! Stop him before you end up galloping across the arena and end up on the dirt!!!” All of this in the space of 5-10 strides. My arms bodily yanked the reins to make us stop. I could hear the inner groan in my teacher’s head.
I’m also working against four years off from riding. My muscle tone and balance have evaporated. I have moments where I start to feel the rhythm that Maximas and I used to take for granted, but it is impossible to maintain. I’ll fall forward, over post, or keel over sideways. It’s hard to accept my best effort when I know I have done so much better in the past. I know my horse is doing what my body is telling him to, and it sucks, and I’m getting tired of forgiving myself every second for repeating my mistakes.
The only thing that will fix it is more practice. I have to keep messing up until I get it right. My horse forgives me. I should forgive myself, too.
I wanted to make the day better, resolution-wise, so I drove my classical guitar to Guitar Center for a tune-up. My husband gave me a dreadnaught acoustic guitar for Christmas. The more I’ve practiced, the more I’ve been leaning toward the classical guitar style. I don’t really like strumming out chords. It makes me feel like a backup track. I am a solo musician, so I want to play solo music. Lucky for me, we’ve had a classical guitar this entire time. My husband’s family has passed it down for a couple of generations. No one ever played it, so it just has been sitting around. I had completely forgotten about it until I stumbled over it while going through our storage. The last person who tried to play it put on acoustic strings. Yuck! After I took those off, the nut and saddle crumbled into pieces and fell off. I realized I was over my head and needed professional help.
The clerk was apologetic about their repair tech being out until Friday. I insisted that I could wait however long it would take for someone to fix my guitar. I realize that some people might go into withdrawals without their guitar, but I’m just not to that point. I’ve also never had a chance to play that particular guitar, so there’s that.
When I got home, I felt like my day couldn’t count towards guitar progress unless I practiced. I took my acoustic down from its hook. While I was tuning it, the high e string broke. That danged e string is going to drive me insane. It broke the first day I got the guitar. I waited a week for the replacement set to come from Amazon. I realize the first string broke because I had no idea how to tune a guitar, but this string breaking soon after I replaced it was irksome. At least I don’t care to practice strumming chords. I practiced my tabs that didn’t need the high e string. Judging by how everything else I did yesterday was a disaster, I’m sure the string broke because of something I was doing.
So there you have it; I did things yesterday, which all sucked, but at least they were things that I did.
Hopefully, today will be a little better.