Falling off the Wagon

I fell off the wagon a few weeks ago, and I’ve been trying to climb back on ever since.

It’s been a cycle of excuses. “It’s too cold outside, I’m trying to do XYZ to be more healthy instead, I’m expending my energy to get XYZ, so I have better tools, so-and-so needs my help, so I’ll just take today off from my goals and devote it to them.”

All of those things that I’ve done, obtained, or accomplished have been positive. Unfortunately, me letting them hinder my No Zero Year has been cripplingly negative. My mental and physical expression is so backed up that it feels constipated.

There’s also been a growing mood of shame that has kept me away from my blog. It’s hard to blog about failure when the topic is self-help/motivation. Writing about my inaction cements it into the record. It doesn’t just fade from memory any longer.

I’ve always been one of those “everything happens exactly the way it should” kinds of people. It messes with my worldview to start questioning that basic mindset. Maybe it’s time to mess with my worldview. Most positivity doesn’t just happen. People have to get off their butts and get uncomfortable. Positivity takes effort. It comes from going against the grain of inaction and negativity with stubborn persistence until the tides change.

Striving towards my No Zero Year is always possible, no matter how much energy the rest of my day consumes. It’s not just possible; it’s necessary.

Part of the No Zero process is self-forgiveness. Jennifer Lim once said, “Mistakes mean you are trying.” Well, here I am, still trying. I officially forgive myself. I’ve done an awkward self-handshake, and I’m ready to recommit to spend this year in pursuit of my goals.

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